Continue the topic with Expert Au Pair
Thank you for Edina reply my topic against Expert Au Pair.
The first issue is that I am not a party au pair. Miami is more Latin American has class distinction while hispanic nannies are in lower class.My ex-host family quite did their best to treat me equally realizing I am acting a Chinese tutor to their kid for the main duty.
The kid is at pre-school from monday to friday which means the time I can influence on his Chinese ability is on weekend. I have full working schedule on weekend while I am willing to do that. What I can not suffer is when there are guests and family members come home, I was treated just a service . I had my depression on Thanksgiving while the same thing happened on Christmas Eve. I cried for one hour as I carefully picked and wrapped the christmas gifts to the kid while being just treated a service person and in the end I really could do nothing on that, so I went out to friend's party I had said no. I sent the msg to host mom that night that I attended a party. The next morning my friend and his big family asked me to go for vacation to another part of Florida as they insist I have the right to have holidays as other latin nannies. I informed the host family and they said fine.
I didnot bring my cell phone charger and the next day night I sent a mail to the local reprsentive and Kathy telling them what happened and asked if there is necessity to come with me back to island to have a meeting. I never receive the emails back from them.
The family terminated the contract the next 2 days saying it proves I am not happy with them and asked Expert Au pair Agency to find another family to work out or send me back to my country.
Mark Gaulter made that phone call that morning using a shouting attitude, like a state owner , saying I should leave the country in 15 days.
I have connected with another family whose New Zealand Au Pair was found by them working apart from the au pair job. Mark Gaulter immediately removed her from that family and gave a replacement while no refund and no replacement for that family. Right now it is also the one side of that problem .
au pair programme
Hello, host moms,
I met the host family on line and we firgured out after a long time that au pair programme is the only way for me to come to America to work with them. This may put something begin my complaint first as the family planned to pay me as locals.
I have read the article of Chinese Au Pairs Are Not All Like "Wendy" and donot plan to comment. I was born in a place where mainland Chinese call us the most western city here with more open minded inhabitants as Hong Kong. Usually Chinese girls wouldnot put these things on the desk to share her story as most Asian girls. I am sorry if my story scares many host families. But this is a good forum at least let me to know what the host family didnot show or tell me.
There is culture difference and many things to take a lesson from while would benefit my future work and life.
I was commented by the host family as a intelligent girl and good girl by hispanic middle aged ladies even no change after this thing happened. I spent the weekend with these ladies most and they actually prevent me to got more troubles and mistakes. I laughed myself for some point about the affair with the hispanic man which makes finally be fired and leave America. It is a experience at least let me learn how to deal with Hispanic man and my emotion.
There are some European and Chinese au pairs I met on Tampa and internet we still contact and they know my stories. They and the families work well. Give my best wishes to them.
For my parents and family, we are common ones with traditional Chinese views towards family life.
Hope I can go back to America quick again with a better situation and hope this is my last comment.
Wendy
Wendy, $200 a week is in
Wendy,
$200 a week is in the terms of the program; it is actually tied to minimum wage, because the family also provided you with food, housing, transportation, utilities, phone, etc.
If you want to earn more for the work you did, you have to be an american resident with a legal right to work, and in the end you will end up with less than you stipend to spend, because you will have to pay for food, housing, transportation etc. out of your salary.
This exchange program has been set up by the government and is fair. You were not forced into hard labor, your family followed the rules. Apparently your recruiting agency back home didn't explain the rules to you. Leaving the country within 15 days is also a program rule, it is a condition of your visa.
All your claims of mistreatment just show that you don't want and don't care to learn the rules of the program; nothing you said that your family did, sounds like they mistreated you.
Good point - your stipend is quite sufficient for program
Dear Wendy,
Anna makes a good point about your wages. Your stipend does not count taxes, rent, food, car, car insurance, medical insurance, gas, utilities (electric, heat, water), so the almost 200 dollars is quite a good sum for your purposes. The program is not a work program where you are to make large sums of money throughout the year! So, if you thought that, you were not paying attention to the program rules either in the booklet given to you or by the agent that screened you for the Expert Au Pair agency.
You have a lot of complaints and even though in one of your emails you admitted the problem was falling in love and leaving with a man (leaving your host family, and in effect, leaving the program), you still complain. I don't know if this is normal in China, but here in America we don't complain like this when we are at fault. We take responsibility for our actions and move on.
Wendy, you cannot blame the agency and Mr. Gaulter for telling you to leave - he and his agency would be at fault if you decided to leave the home and left the children alone. Don't you see how your actions made him think twice about keeping you in the program?
See Wendy, we value children here in America and they are a high priority here in this country. So, if you are wondering why your host family fired you and the CEO of an au pair agency sent you home packing, it is because of the children!
Wendy, you should find your true calling in life and pursue it. It is too bad you had a poor experience here in America. Maybe you will return one day when you are older and wiser and have a better time!
Good luck
Host mom USA
Saying goodbye to my au pair story
Show my gratitute for the help and concern from the host American -Italian family even after they terminatedthe contract;Hispanic and African American workers met on that island amd best wishes to the host families and au pairs read this story.
Hello, everyone,
I wrote this story one week before I started my new job in my country as to finish and move on my experience being an au pair in America. I viewed all the comment and I would thank for this forum to have my story post on and thank you for suripatel who started to have a different view on this and HippyMama ,PA AP mom who see on my perspective, especially for HippyMama. For some comments, there are some things to take . Basically I would learn from ths experience.
It lets me to see other views besides the angry agency and angry me side.
For Mark Gaulter's reply, I would say we are telling different stories. He asked me to call him while he first asked where I was and who I was with and I answered; then he asked me did I admit I run off the job on Christmas eve when I supposed to work while I started to tell him what happened that afternoon in the kitchen. He said wait, wait, abuse is another issue. The host family is quite fine. I admitted to that question. Then he informed the agency's decision that they will not give me a placement and I should leave the country in 15 days on my own cost. Later I sent the mail to the agency and to the host family as well. Mark Gaulter used foolish the word to assume my behavior to run to a party and expect the agency to rematch me.
I did not ask any rematch and being asked for if I want while the agency and many here put on me while it matches to a foolish au pair's behavior, does it?
Excpet that phone call, I didnot hear any info or get any help from Expert Au Pair which is my main issue with the agency.
Anyway it has been more than 3 months and emotionally I donot want step back still. I hope U.S government would check my story with another Brooke's host family where I saw their website and connected with them.
For the host family, I have contradiction view and maybe they have that to me also.
They donot want you to eat with them together when there are friends and families there as it is part of Miami's culture that Nanny donot and is not allowed to eat with host family. But the family did bring me to the restaurant when just themselves and with their child and of course at home. They had bring me once to a party while just inhaitants could attend.
The host father would help me to set up my bicycle for my use to around the beach while he would also ask me to carry heavy stuff while he is in free hand outside.
The family is the first one who tries this au pair programme which is unknown in that area . We both have tried hard while I really appreciate their value on Chinese culture and China's furture.
It is unfortune the contract did not last long and I made them lose money for that point.
I would thank for the ex-host family who financially helped me paying half of ticket to back to my country and didnot refuse my landing on that island in the security guard while I went back alone to pick up my passport and personal belongings.
Here is the email from them:
We were surprised and dissappointed that you left without giving us any notice of your plans."
Your actions are a clear breach of the contract betweeen us. Accordingly, we are terminating your employment / aupair contract immediately.
"nce you return and are ready for your personal belongings, please let me know and i will pack your suitcase and deliver them to you on the Miami side of the ferry. "
"If you have any questions, please contact the Expert Aupair Agency. I have informed them of the situation and i am sure they will help you return to China or find another family to work with.
Mark Gautler, CEO of Expert Au Pair, Responds
CEO of Expert Au Pair, Mark Gaulter, responded to our inquiry about Wendy, the Chinese au pair who was removed from her family and sent home. Here is his April 8, 2010, reply:
"...we did remove an au pair from her host family in South Florida over the Christmas period. We attempted to speak to the au pair on Christmas Day but she was could not be reached. I made contact the next day.
I asked the au pair if she had been mistreated in her employment, and she indicated that she had not. She told me that she failed to watch the children as agreed on Christmas Eve, without giving notice. She admitted that she missed work only so she could go to a party (in Fort Myers) to drink. When the au pair finally did notify her host family that she was safe, which as I understand it was long after she was due to start, she did so only by sending a rather unfortunate text message.
The au pair was unapologetic and insisted that she was entitled to holidays. We support our au pairs' rights under the law, and of course she was entitled to holidays, but these were outlined in her employment contract. She is not entitled to holidays that she unilaterally declares should be holidays, without notice.
I was shocked by her behavior, because the vast, vast majority of our au pairs are responsible young adults. We cannot, in good conscience, offer this au pair as an au pair candidate in the future. What would have happened if she had started work and then been offered the chance to party?
I explained to the au pair that once she stopped being an au pair, she had only a certain time to leave the United States or to change status. I wish her well in her future endeavors."
Mark Gaulter
CEO, Expert AuPair
111 Second Avenue NE, Suite 303
St Petersburg, FL 33701
Phone: (727) 388-3472
Fax: (727) 231-8256
Exaupair Responds to Thread - Chinese Au Pair
Here is au pair's (ex-aupair) response to the thread she created here (she emailed this to me):
I disagree...
Sorry, but I think that this is precisely the reason that counselors exist, to handle disputes between families and au pairs, even if they occur over a holiday. If this au pair felt bad enough that she needed to leave the family, whether we think she was justified or not, then it seems to be serious enough to require a return call from the counselor.
I also wonder if the responses to this au pair and her situation would have been different if she was with Cultural Care. I think that we would see more posters siding with the au pair against the "most evil of agencies" than is happening now.
au pair should learn from this experience
Hi, I have to say that I do not believe that a counselor has to be available during the holiday weekend to mediate these kinds of problems. We all need our down time and holiday time with family is just so importatn. And, this t was not an emergency, and that is why agencies have emergency on call systems, so when an au pair gets hurt or is kicked out of her home, etc. someone can help her.
This kind of situation did not require an immediate response and after the holiday, the agency and host family did what they thought was necessary.
I am just sorry for the au pair, but I do not blame the counselor or the agency. Things happen, and the au pair had to contribute to the problem! my point was that she should realize it is not the end of the world, she will and should move on and use this incident as a learning experience!
We all had them and it is what you do with them that counts. If you can learn from them, learn something about yourself (and others) than you can turn lemons into lemonade!
Counselors and Holiday Schedules
Hi PA AP Mom,
I agree with you, a call from the counselor would have been helpful. However, counselors are not on call 24 hours and perhaps this counselor was not at home and did not get the call until it was too late. The au pair states she left the house without her cell phone charger, so there would have been no way to even reach the au pair, if the counselor was at home.
More importantly, since we don't know the other side of this story, we don't know the agency didn't call, and if they did, the au pair would not have known, since she was not at home to receive the call.
It sounds like things went down hill rather quickly and this suggests that this was not the first incident that occurred with the au pair and her family. When au pair agencies are called in to rematch au pairs (and host families) they take into account all the incidents and behaviors that contributed to the problem.
I cannot imagine any agency, including Cultural Care (who are not the "most evil of all agencies!"), firing an au pair for leaving the home during a holiday weekend.
We just do not have all the information here to make a sound decision as to whether or not this au pair was treated fairly or not. We can only go on what she says here, and again, it sounds to me that she overreacted and left the home angry and decided not to return for several days. That is just not okay, and indicates a serious lack of judgment and maturity. It may have been the straw that broke the camel's back and this is why the family fired her and why the au pair agency decided to call it quits and let her go home. They may have realized the au pair was not of sound mind or that her behavior was erratic.
I tend to believe this, since the same au pair "exaupair" tried to place additional complaints against Expert Au Pair, claiming to be a host family, and writing in perfect English (and not her broken English as a Chinese au pair). The au pair was not aware that her login would appear on all complaints and comments! Maybe "she" was not an au pair after all, and it is a host family writing as an au pair. Weird. I should probably delete all the comments and thread attached to the original complaint, but I am enjoying the commentary thus far. I have emailed "exaupair" and requested her to clarify her situation and the "host family" complaint, but have not heard back from this user.
Thank you for weighing in!
Edina
Lccs and counselors not 24 hour duty
Hi Edina,
thank you for clarification of our hours. As a LCC, I am not required to have a beeper on me and I am not required to be on call 24 hours a day and night. Of course, if I am home and I get a call from a host mom or au pair, and it is an emergency, no matter what time of the day it is, I must respond! What consitutes an emergency? A car accident where the au pair was hurt or she hurt someone with the car; any kind of accident that requires the au pair to go to the hospital; a death in her family and she must leave right away; abuse accusations; host family turning out the au pair; the au pair going awol, etc.
Mediating fights and misunderstandings are not emergencies! I do have to return all calls within a 24 hour period, and I do (except for true emergencies). During a major holiday, like Christmas, I would not return this au pair's call, even if I was home. She should be able to cope with her problems and issues since her life and health was not at risk and wait, like a mature young adult, for the next business day.
I know some LCCs do take calls like this during holidays, etc., but they are what I call "adrenaline" LCCs! They thrive on situations that need their "immediate" care and they jump right into the fray. This kind of counselor only reinforces the "helicoptering parenting" the girl is used to at home and went away to grow up and out off!
Young adults have to learn how to deal with issues in a logical and proper manner and delaying their complaints, if they are not emergencies, is a great emotional task and goal all teens should be striving for. How else will they learn to grow and up and handle life's problems on their own someday?
Great website, very insightful - and Cultural Care is a wonderful agency to work for! My large cluster is very happy and thriving! FYI.
It looks like it was a huge
It looks like it was a huge misunderstanding on your part.
But from the point of view of the program, you were not following program rules and broke many of them.
First, american holidays are not automatic days off for the au pair, and this is because she is supposed to spend them with her american family. You listening to your newfound friends that you "have a right to a holiday like other nannies" is really ignoring program rules; you are not "other nannies", you are an au pair with a different set of rules and regulations to obey.
Secondly, working schedule for the au pair is set a week in advance by the family, and any vacation days are mutually agreed upon far in advance. It sounds like you took vacation, without intending it to count as vacation, and informed your family about it the same day.
It also sounds like you were relatively new to the country, so the family had every right to be concerned for your safety, not knowing the people you were with, where you were, or any contact information, or when you intend to be back.
Au pairing is being part of the family, but childcare part of it is a job, and an au pair is expected to treat her childcare responsibilities with the seriousness of a job. It looks like you have failed to do that.
I don't know what constituted your treatment "like a servant" by the family, but I suspect that could be a misunderstanding as well. It could be as simple as them expecting you to feel at home and behave like that, and you instead expecting a formal invitation to join them for dinner... Most americans are not classist, and I personally have been offended by the behavior of some of my au pairs that some jobs were "beneath" them. They were not "beneath" me and I did them on the weekend... feeling like the au pair's servant.
Anna, you are so right!
Anna, you are so right!
This was not only a huge misunderstanding, it sounds like a spoiled au pair who expected to be treated like a princess. The host parents just wanted some down time with their friends! Do they have to invite the au pair to join them in order to be considered "classless" and not racist? Oh my Gosh! This is ridiculous!
Let's face it everyone, au pairs are not on an equal level with us, the parents, and for so several reasons;
1. they are younger than we are, we are the "host parents" and parents always have an edge over the "non parents" living in the home - we make the rules they follow the rules. Who is in charge? We are.
2. Okay, it is our home, they are invited to live with us. we are their 'employers' as we pay her salary: we hire her, we can fire her and as a result, it is NOT an equal relationship.
3. Au pairs are there to take care of our children - that does place them in a subservient position to the parents - they are performing a duty for us and we all need to understand this if we don't want misunderstandings like this to happen.
When the parents were socializing with their guests, the au pair is crying while wrapping presents because she is not in the room, partying and socializing with the adult party!
Really? Oh, is this ridiculous? Yes!
My au pair is not invited to my poker games and when my wife hosts her monthly book club, the au pair is not part of that either. When my au pair travels to New York City with her au pair group, we are not invited nor do we expect to be! Do we treat her less than we treat our book club/poker friends?
Of course not.
This au pair was fired for her bad attitude as much as she was fired for walking out of the home and off the job. I would do the same to my subordinates in my office.
Exaupair, grow up and get over it. Be more mature and less of a princess and you will find less drama and issues in your life.
Seriously?
The post entitled "Anna, you are so right" is neither professional nor respectful. If host families really think that the au pair is here in the U.S. for you to be their "employer" and to be "subservient" to you then you should not be host families. You obviously missed the entire point of the program as being an international exchange experience for the au pair and the host family. If you're not clear on the au pair program's intentions - the State Department website would be a good place to start. I am appalled that the host families and parents posting here have NO IDEA what it is like to be an au pair and to live as an exchange visitor in someone else's home and country but still feel it is okay to make such strong judgements and assumptions about what it is like to walk in an au pair's shoes . If you had the slightest idea then you would not be writing messages like you have.
Edina if you are going to continue to allow these attacks to get personal then I will not continue to post. By the way, it is very possible that the au pair's new host family posted their own comments regarding Expert Au Pair which you moderated. Let's try to give people the benefit of the doubt here.
New Host Mom chimes in
Hey, I wanted to chime in here as a new host mom. I just received my first au pair (from Germany) who is just wonderful. The kids love her, my husband thinks she is terrific (he was very against the whole idea in the beginning) and she and I are just like mom and daughter already, and it has been only 3 months.
As far as being "equal" I think HippyMama may be taking the definition to the extreme. It is not as if the other posters here are saying they are servants, but there is not 100% equality, in terms of role definition and there can not be, since the au pairs are youmg people working for you.
Yes, they are working for you even though it is a cultural exchange program, but there is no question they "work" for you, because they have a "work schedule" with work hours, etc. and rules and even, yes, a curfew! My German au pair would tell you she does not feel like a servant, but she would never instill herself into my personal life and expect to join a lunch with my girlfriends or come to my garden club meetings.
We treat her with the utmost respect and she returns this respect to us and the children. She is delighted to be in America and we are delighted to show her the country (or our part of the USA) and share our culture.
But, she knows her place (as we do, we do not poke around in her personal life) and this "separation" between host parent and au pair is what makes this whole thing work! Otherwise we would be in our businesses and there would be so much role confusion.
Bettina, my au pair, knows that in the morning, I am in charge and I set the tone of the day and I am giving the directions (orders) for the day's activities. There is no role confusion. Does that mean she is a servant? Yes, I suppose that does. In a way. But, my understanding of an au pair, from the classical definition and origins of the word, refers to this role as servant. Servant is not an ugly word Hippy Mama!
I also do not think any parent really got personal or attacked this au pair on this thread.
I think they were sometimes stern in giving her good advice! We, they, were just acting like parents! You know, "Be mature, learn from your mistakes and get over it and get on with it.
I think the parents are saying, "Bad things happen sometimes. It is life. Deal. This is a big, beautfiul world out there and go, enjoy it." I think we all want her to feel better. We are not attacking her by telling her she is not very mature, we are trying to help her.
If Expert Au Pair agency mistreated her, shame on them. If her host parents mistreated her, shame on them! But, when you read her complaints (there are two here) she clearly did not handle herself very well and crying with the child because she had to wrap presents (while the parents were visiting with guests) is not very mature, is it? Seriously!?
Au Pairs and Class Distinctions in America
Hi Anna,
I agree with you. I do think this au pair reacted badly to normal holiday events that took place in the home and I do think she did walk off the job and left the house because she was upset for not being part of all the holiday festivities. I do agree with you that she appears to be overly focused on class distinctions and she clearly resented wrapping presents while the parents and their guests enjoyed themselves in another part of the house. Of course, a good sit-down with the counselor would have helped, but we cannot expect counselors to engage in this kind of non-emergency intervention during the Christmas weekend!
Feel bad for you
Hi exaupair, i am sorry to hear about your troubles. It sounds like you have matched again, but you have not moved on (emotionally). You are young and will get over this. You will find that as you get older, life gets a bit more difficult and not all people you meet will be the kind of people you want to be around. So, get used to it! That is grown up life. Good luck to you! I wish we could hear more from other au pairs, I would enjoy hearing their perspective on living with a host family!
This is not a complaint as much as whining...
I want to point out, that you (ex-aupair) emailed or called the agency the next day and they did not answer you. It sounds like all of this took place during Christmas holidays and I will assume that these staff were not in the office!
You didn't call the 800 emergency number because you didn't have an emergency. 2 days later (and after the holiday weekend, when you were still AWOL - "away without leave") the host parents finally fired you.
Does this seem like appropriate behavior? I think it sounds more like spoiled behavior.
You cannot leave your family for days without communicating with them and expect to stay in the program. No agency would keep you because you might do something irresponsible like this when you are caring for children.
Seriously host families? You should be ASHAMED of your comments
I am absolutely appalled at the responses given to this au pair. It doesn't seem that anyone except suripatel is even attempting to see things from the au pair's perspective. She has clearly stated that she was being treated like a servant (service person) and that she wanted to be treated as an equal - which is what the au pair program was designed for! She has clearly stated other issues in the host family but none of you have taken the time to read through her issues or try to put yourself in her shoes. SHAME ON YOU!
Classy Consumer, you stated why not take responsibility for your actions and accept that perhaps you did not handle yourself very well when you got upset over not being treated like an "equal."
Well of course she was upset for being treated like a servant and less than a member of the family. This happens way to often with au pairs and host families - more than any of you would like to acknowledge. Imagine being here for Christmas instead of at home with your family and instead of being treated like a family member - you were simply expected to serve everyone and clean up after them. Not a thought given to the fact that you were far far away from your family and missing them and being homesick.
She did not go AWOL - at any time. She informed her host family where she was every step of the way by email or phone. She contacted the local coordinator and did NOT receive an answer back. All au pair agencies are open over the Christmas holidays - and an au pair having to leave the host family's home because of issues is considered an emergency.
Au pair agencies often side with host families in situations such as this when it's the au pair's word against the host family's. Why? Because the host family is paying the most money. Because the host family will repeat. That's the facts of the matter.
Marcie - you mentioned that she left the family for days without communicating with them - you apparently did not read the post as she clearly stated "The next morning my friend and his big family asked me to go for vacation to another part of Florida as they insist I have the right to have holidays as other latin nannies. I informed the host family and they said fine." How dare you call an au pair spoiled when you are an outsider to this situation. Would you like someone calling your children spoiled without knowing the whole situation? I doubt it!
What you all did is just treat this au pair as badly as her host family did. Shame on you for treating another human and someone's daughter as you just did!
We Need Both Sides of this Story To Make the Call
Dear Hippy Mama,
It is hard to know what really happened here in this situation but I suspect there are events that happened that the au pair is not sharing. It would be a rare occasion for any agency to fire and send back an au pair just for attending a party. It sounds like the au pair walked off the job, because she was upset (she admits that) and may not have gone back until the agency got involved.
In terms of her feelings of being treated as a 'servant' - she admits her family treated her well, so it is not clear what she is really talking about, but it seems that she got upset over the guests in the house and the fact they were socializing with the parents, while she wrapped presents. I don't see any disparity here - it is quite normal for host parents to spend time with invited guests during the holiday season and while the au pair is with the child. That is not treating her like a 'servant.'
I also doubt the family told the au pair it was okay to take off and leave for a few days during the holidays - it sounds more like the au pair walked off the job and expected to be rematched and the agency did the correct thing - fired her and sent her back home.
This au pair's story is not credible. In addition, she sent in other complaints under her user login, posing as a host family, complaining about Expert Au Pair agency, etc. We did not post these, since it was clear she was posing as someone else and perhaps creating false scenarios to support her case.
I agree with you, most of the time au pair agencies will take the side of the host family (since they are the paying customers), and sometimes against an au pair who has a legitimate beef with the family. This is very unfortunate! However, I don't think this is the case here with this au pair and this host family.
Perhaps I can get Expert Au Pair to comment on this complaint.
Best,
Edina
I have to agree with Jake
I agree with you Jake, there is more not being said here, since no agency would take such a financial loss on an au pair (especially from China - think about the airfare) if the au pair was above board. This is an au pair who messed up, partly due to cultural differences and partly due to her expectations that she would be treated like a favored guest instead of a childcare provider!
To exaupair, I will say this: in reality, au pairs (or tutors) are not on an equal plane as host families and their personal guests and friends. First you are younger and would not necessarily be invited to join them in their social activities. Secondly, these guests are invited because your host family wants to spend time with them, and not you! They live with you, so they can spend time with you when the guests are not there.
You felt snubbed during the busy holidays and when your host family was busy with guests and providing for their needs and instead of helping out, you left the family and without notice. Yes, you say you forgot your cell (who does that these days), but the bottom line is you were mad at them, you left the house during the holidays, embarrassed the family in front of their guests and caused not just a lot of drama they did not want, but you also got yourself fired and sent home.
Instead of pointing fingers at the agency why not take responsibility for your actions and accept that perhaps you did not handle yourself very well when you got upset over not being treated like an "equal."
Host parent with au pair from China
Hi there - I am a host dad who has experience with Chinese au pairs. We are in our second year with an au pair from China. I can understand how easily your situation got misunderstood and out of hand, having nothing to do with your agency. Many times the au pairs are told one thing and when they get here they are treated differently. If you were hired, simply to tutor the son on weekends, then you were not hired as an au pair in the traditional sense of the current cultural exchange program.
What did you do all week? Au pairs are supposed to have time off on weekends to pursue friendships and social time with other au pairs and to meet new American friends. All the fun stuff happens on the weekends and I think your family did you a disservice by not explaining this to you when you were being interviewed. We always try NOT to work our au pair on weekends, so she can participate in activities set up by our program and to visit other au pairs, etc.
I also think that if you were not hired to be an au pair, and thus as "part of the family", why would you expect to be treated like one when the family has guests on the weekends? This is when you were "on duty" and had to work. How else would they treat you? You are there to do a job, whether it is to tutor the child or to provide childare (and we do not refer to American children as "kids" - that is slang only and we refer to them as the "child" or "children".) For example, when your family was entertaining guests and let's say, having lunch together, why would they ask you to join them when you were with their child, wrapping presents or tutoring? That does not make much sense.
I do understand why you may have misinterpreted your role in the family, but it also sounds like you really overreacted to what happened! In America, if we are not happy about something, we talk about it. I know in Chinese culture, this can be seen as aggressive and impolite. So, you had a cultural clash that got out of hand and was not handled well by anyone, you, the family or the agency!
I have to say, there seems to be more here that is not being said, if an agency would dismiss an au pair and send her home. No agency, it seems, would do just for a simple misunderstanding - and if they determined that you and your host family was a poor personality fit, they would certaintly try and match you with another family!
So, again, I think that there are things that you may be leaving out here. Also, much of what is going on there sounds culturally based, since you keep talking about "lower class" and being treated like "a servant" and Latin Americans having more 'class distinctions", etc. What about your counselor, didn't she step in?
Good luck to you in the future, are you back in China?
Chinese Au Pairs and Domestic Work
It is not easy to find prospective au pairs from China. Chinese parents cringe when their daughter suggests going abroad to "babysit" other parents' children! Most applicants, over 90%, are highly educated and proud Chinese parents are reluctant to see their only child "settle" for a childcare position. This attitude may get translated to the au pair, and as a result, the au pair will often feel overqualified and undervalued once they arrive into their new American home.
To read more about this issue and how some agencies are handling this complex problem (from the New York Times): http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/05/us/05aupair.html.