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Abuse Goes Both ways - for fathers and au pairs

Abuse goes both ways and your two stories represent that fact the one the host father abusing his au pair and the English male au pair convicted of porn and sexually molesting a young child.  I agree, males are more prone to this kind of behavior and they often go after both sexes.  au pair agencies should be screening for both kinds of abusers from both sides of the aisle - fathers and male au pairs (or female au pairs too).  From the news and what I hear in my own community, some of these agencies are not doing a very good job, and I think that the stories that do get published are only the tip of the iceberg.
 
Parents need to do a very good job interviewing and au pairs, god bless them, are really open to any kind of abuse since they and their parents cannot screen host fathers. What a risk they take when they come here to take care of our chidlren!

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Both parties need to be carefully screened

Edina - 11/09/2009 - 10:13

Yes, I agree with you - both parties that sign a contract need to be fully and carefully screened.  Au pairs are young, most of them are underage, and their parents worry about them too!  We often forget that perspective when we are reading about au pairs and the dangers of using au pairs as childcare givers.

Many families are not appropriate for the cultural care program.  Who are these families?  Here is a short list of those families who should not consider au pairs for their childcare needs:

  • Families who cannot speak English - au pairs are joining the cultural care program to improve their English skills!  They do not want to be placed with a family who speaks another language in the home.  Au pair agencies should require their LCCs and counselors to evaluate & reject families who do not intend to speak English in their home and with their au pairs.
  • Parents who do not discipline their children. Permissive parents who do not set boundaries and limits with their children create a disorganized and chaotic home.  Au pairs have much difficulty in these homes and can become quite unhappy themselves.  Counselors who are interviewing families should interview all members of the family, so they can observe the interactions between parents and children - if the parents cannot control their children in that one hour interview, a young au pair will not be able to either. 
  • The host mom must be warm, engaging and open to having a good working relationship with her au pair.  This relationship can make or break any match.  If there is not a "good fit" between mother and au pair, the match can end badly.  Creating such a relationship between au pair and host mom takes time and some host mothers do not want to spend the time to engage their young charges.  They may not realize (or care) that the au pair wants to bond with the host mom, in order to feel part of the family and to be happy in that family. 
  • Criminal Background Checks: all prospective host families should have a criminal background check, otherwise how can parents of au pairs really know for sure where and with whom their daughters are being placed with?
  • A comfortable, private bedroom with a fire exit is a must for all au pairs. This may sound simple enough, but many times host families think they can put their au pair in unfinished basements with no exit if there is a fire upstairs.  Or they place their au pair in an office, that has glass doors with flimsy curtains for privacy.  The room must contain a bed, dresser and closet (that has no other family articles stored there) and a door that locks.  The au pair's bedroom will be her sanction and escape from the family's life and she needs a quiet, pleasant environment where she can relax and recharge for the next day's work.

If the prospective host family cannot provide or meet these basic requirements outlined above, they should consider alternative childcare options and all agencies must be willing to reject a family based on these factors. 

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