Two Fathers Raising a Girl
Hi - we are a happy gay couple who were blessed with a daughter from China (we adopted). She is now 22 months old and we just adore her!
We wanted to know, are there specific ways of relating to our daughter that will teach her to be feminine and nuturing?
Obviously, she does not have a mother and we want to make sure we are giving her everthing she needs, developmentally, to grow into a mature, well-adjusted female. We spend lots of quality time with her (she is an only child) and we love taking her on our weekly hikes in the woods and we can't wait to take her camping. She loves going out with us and she has her own backpack! She is so cute!!
We are looking forward to her giving us grandchildren!
Thank you Dr. Siman,
Chinagirl
Gay Parents Raising Children
Hello Jake and congratulations! You sound very excited and proud to be a new father.
I understand your growing concern about raising your daughter in a same-sex parent household. You want the very best for her and you don't want your life-style to minimize the development of her "feminine and nuturing" characteristics.
Research indicates that most girls and boys will manifest sex appropriate behaviors and personality features regardless of where they are raised and by whom. It really comes down to genetics - females are born with genes that affect their behavior. For example, girls are typically more verbal compared to boys and this makes them more willing to share feelings and talk about problems compared to boys - why?
That is how their brain works and it has very little to do with their environment - it is in their genetic make-up.
A number of professional medical organizations -- including the American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychiatric Association -- have issued statements claiming that a parent's sexual orientation is irrelevant to his or her ability to raise a child.
If we look at studies of children of gay parents compiled by the American Psychological Association we see that children in same-sex parent families turned out the same, for better or for worse, as children in heterosexual families.
Moreover, a 2001 meta-analysis of those studies found that the sexual orientation of a parent is irrelevant to the development of a child's mental health and social development and to the quality of a parent-child relationship.
So, Jake, do not worry about your daughter - she has the blueprint for feminitity and nurturance and I am sure you will have lots of grandchildren to spoil!
Dr. Siman