What About When Your Au Pair Leaves?
Hi - I read your blog and June article, on Welcoming your Au Pair. But, what about the au pair that is leaving? Should we keep both for a week or two so the experienced au pair can train the new one?
Has anyone done this before? I would love some advice on this - it will be pretty cramped, with the two au pairs sharing a bedroom, although it does have two twin beds and they would have to share a bathroom.
Is this unfair to our old au pair and would she see this as an intrusion into her privacy and space? She is great and we will miss her and we don't want the last few weeks of her stay with us to be ugly.
Unsure new host dad
The "Overlap"
Hi Sam!
Good question and issue to discuss. When you have both old and new au pairs together, for reasons such as training the new girl, we call it the Overlap. We have a great article on this titled "The Overlap" and we review 5 reasons not to do it! Of course, there are probably 5 good reasons to have an overlap, but since you cannot predict the two au pairs getting along, we advice not planning an overlap. Take a few minutes to read the article and you will see what we mean.
Edina
Great Article!!!
Hey Edina, thank you for the very prompt reply! I was reading your articles on agencies, and I found your reviews very helpful. I would like to see all the agencies reviewed at some point.
The article you pointed me to, regarding the Overlap between outgoing and incoming au pairs is excellent! I never thought of these reasons not to do one, and the costs can add up!
But the last reason you mentioned, the family gossip, etc., is a good point.
There have been issues in our family since my wife's mom came to live with us, and there has been tension between her and the children and I know my au pair talks to other au pairs about this (as sometimes my mother-in-law gets "into it" with the au pair too). She is a critical person (my wife will agree) and since her fall and hip operation, it has been difficult for us all.
I don't need to have my family's personal issues out there in the community and I don't want my outgoing au pair to predijuce the the new girl. That would be terrible!
Thanks again Edina for such great insight and inside information that my counselor does not tell me, and the agencies don't cover in their handbooks.
Grateful new host dad,
Sam
You are very welcome
Dear Sam,
You are very welcome!
Also, most of the au pair agencies do have information packets on hosting an au pair and they often include a section on saying Good Bye to your departing au pair and all that this entails. They have very good, sound advice on how to handle the departure of your au pair.
Some au pairs go through a phase where they start to emotionally distance themselves from the family (quite normal) and may seem "aloof" or "uncaring" about leaving. This is a normal, psychological way of dealing with leaving people one cares about in order to get through the emotional pain of separation and loss. So, if your au pair starts to seem indifferent or distant, she may be going through this phase. Lots of support and encouragement during this time helps ease the transition of leaving and returning home.
Best,
Edina Stone