A great piece of info to find out about every agency (Edina, can you help?)
I recently was in a stiuation where our au pair lied to us and to the LCC in a major way, and the agency promised to send her home. However, she was able to convince the agency to let her rematch, and found another family.
I think she was very good in lying, and when the family had a choice to believe her or the LCC (who told them the truth), they believed her.
In this agency there is a policy that in rematch, a new family cannot talk to the old one.
This policy is not something that is publicized anywhere, even though that particular agency has all their handbooks online.
I bet other agencies don't publish such details of their rematch policies in their available materials either.
It would be INVALUABLE for the parents to know, which agencies do allow the family considering a transition au pair to speak to her former family, not only her former LCC. Of course nobody wants to ever encounter a rematch situation, but it would be nice to know that we'll be allowed to hear ALL sides of the story.
Edina, is this something you can do? Gather this information from all the agencies and post it to your description of each?
My (now former) agency that didn't allow conversations with old families in rematch is AuPairUSA.
Edina, I was allowed to
Edina,
I was allowed to speak to the other counselor, and I was happy with my counselor. However, I suspect the story of the counselor and the family was different. The rematch au pair in question was in rematch after only two weeks, and the reason was "she mislead her family about her driving experience". However the counselor said it was partly the family's fault, because they didn't question the au pair extensively enough about her experience. Now I know that she was just a very good lier who got the counselor to believe her side of the story. Because we ended up rematching after a situation where she lied to US, and she again tried to convince everybody that it was not a lie, and she did nothing wrong. It really was crafted in a way that the lie was not explicit, but it led us to believe what she wanted us to believe; it was a deception nevertheless, and craftily premeditated.
Apparently she succeded enough that the agency let her rematch, and the new family took her despite speaking to our counselor who told them the truth. So when not allowed to speak to the family, sometimes we hear not two sides of the story (the counselor's and the au pair's), but just one - the "poor" au pair's who got the counselor on her side.
It Happens Anna!
Your story is so common and I am sorry you had to experience it. Personality conflicts aside, au pairs are not always honest and upfront - because they are so very determined to finish their year abroad.
And sometimes au pairs are people who happen not to be honest, no matter what the situation!
They are also young and their judgment is not as good as adults. Young people tend to make poor decisions when compared to adults.
Our staff psychologist and contributing writer, Dr. Lawrence, wrote an article on this called "Why Can't Au Pairs Be More Like Adults." It is a great, insightful article!
Thanks Anna for commenting here! And the best of luck with your new au pair!
Best,
Edina
Rematch and Host Family Recommendations
Hi Anna,
If you agency has such a policy where you cannot speak to the other family, you may want to sit down with your counselor/LCC and have a frank discussion with her. What does she know about the au pair? Has she interviewed her? Is she clear about why the au pair is in rematch? Has she spoken to the counselor at length about the remtach? Often, counselors do not do their due diligence when it comes to checking out the rematch au pairs - this can lead to an unhappy and poor match with their host families. Does your cluster have frequent rematches? Does the counselor seem to be working hard for you and the other host families and au pairs? If she is not involved with her cluster and does marginal work, she may not be doing all she can to find out all the details of the rematch situation. You have to push the counselors to get them involved and get them on board and let them know you are serious about this and you want to know the truth.
That being said, most good counselors know if they take a poor rematch au pair, they will be in rematch again very soon themselves, so they, as a defensive strategy, will do their due diligence and make sure you don't end up with poor match. However, many counselors who are new do not understand this and they will take an au pair for their host family in rematch without question. So, you should work very closely with your counselor.
We have discussed the relationship with counselors/LCCs (Mistakes to Avoid when Choosing an Au Pair) where we have recommended that in choosing an au pair agency, you need to carefully interview the counselor - she is the one who is in charge of the cluster and your au pair and if you don't feel you can work with her, or if you feel she is not a good worker, you should try another agency. There is a lot of turnover in the au pair industry when it comes to counselors/LCCs since the work can be hard, emotionally draining and includes weekend and holiday work during rematches and emergencies. The pay scale is often low, from agency to agency.
Getting rematch policies is a good idea for our website and something that we will be working on in the future. Thanks for the comments!
Edina