One of my readers sent me an email asking about rematch
I had another email today about rematch.
I am not sure why host parents are not using the Family Forum to ask questions, but I encourage all my readers - give it a try!
The question was "Should I house my au pair while she and I are both in rematch? It feels very uncomfortable since we fired her and she is a bit angry and hurt about the whole situation. I often wonder "will she retaliate in some way? What do other host parents do in this siutation?"
Let's hear from other host parents!
Edina
Housing can be a serious issue
We recently have been in rematch from an aupair we no longer trusted. She was lying to us about stupid little things, breaking curfew, sleeping at the neighbors house and going to their parties (get togethers) and drinking to much. Started to trash us one day and was told to not talk about us. She would position the sleep over as "They want me in at 12:30 so since it is 1am mind if I crash here? We specifically asked her not to anymore and did so formally in mediation and she did it 2x more that same weekend. Constantly whining about all the other Aupairs and what they had and how jealous she was and how in her country, the stipend is what she makes in a day, she bought a cheapo car because sharing with us was not going to be good enough. She owed us money and expected us to hand over everything left behind, car and all with no payback. It was so annoying after a while. We told her she would not be happy here as we do not seem to make enough money and she cannot follow the rules. When we decided on transition, she started tor trash us all over the lord's creations, and even to this day. She is a nasty person, lying, little princess. We have been a host family for 2 happy aupairs thus far. She wanted to leave the car (in my name due to insurance being cheaper for her) for over a month WHILE trashing us on the boards for my agency. NO WAY!
She is trashing us to all who will listen and infecting the USA for my future AP's. Some AP's are going to their host families who I happen to know on the company board saying she is saying such bad things. Good for us is we have 2 very successful years with the company and my 2 Aupairs love us. But CCAP seems to not really care so much. "We asked her to stop"...really? I am sure she was fine with this. 2 days later she is blasting us on the board with personal info but under a false name...really? Had to change LCC's as a result and pray it stops my the time her replacement comes... I would think CCAP wants money and they will let her stay here while Defaming us and be fine. This is my last year with them.
Housing this AP was NOT going to work as she would have continued to stay at the neighbors house and if I ask you to NOT sleep over my immediate neighbors house who has kids (what about my kids?) and you live under MY roof, you better adhere.
Insist That Cultural Care Step In
Hi, I really do think you should call your agency and ask them again to step in. If this current au pair is still here in the U.S., and an au pair for this agency, they do have control over how and what she says. Au pairs are NOT allowed to trash their ex-host parents and most agencies have rules about this in their handbook, etc. Violations of the confidentiality rule are grounds for dismissal.
Check again with your agency - if your LCC is not helping, I suggest calling Natalie Jordan, Cultural Care VP. She is always ready to step in and help!
Best,
Edina
Rematch can be Difficult
Hi - I had a pretty good rematch and a pretty bad rematch. Generally, I would prefer not to ever rematch. It is very uncomfortable for both the family and the au pair, no matter who decides to call it quits. I would say you have to be nice, professional and upbeat. Encourage her if you fired her, tell her she can do better and that it will be fine! This gives her confidence and she may not mope around or feel vindictive!
I think you have to host the girls until they are matched again - that is what my agency told me.
Sassygirl
Rematch
I have a problem and I am in rematch now. What if the au pair stole? She took my daughter's jeans. I found them in her drawer. We had this feeling she was taking things, little things at first, but we couldn't be sure. We started to feel we couldn't trust her, so we decided to rematch (she also lied about taking the car, we knew she did since we found her cigarettes in the car). Do I have to keep her until she matches when I feel she is stealing from us? My counselor says yes.
Unhappy and confused host mom
Au Pairs Stealing
Cathleen, we had a similar problem with our German au pair. She seemed great and after a few months we noticed things disappearing from the house. Mostly my wife's clothes. Sweaters, tops, that sort of thing. We did go into her room and found them in a bag under her bed. We called our agency right away and she was removed from our house. How could we keep her there during rematch when she proved to be dishonest? Now, my wife notices that some of her shoes are gone and a leather bag (expensive). Why? We think she was sending these things home. She never wore them, obviously, but there it is - really bad situation and for a few months we tried not having anyone, but with our jobs, we found ourselves hosting another au pair. But, we really did our homework and called each girl about 4 times before we matched. This is a great site! I wish I had found it before we matched with our German girl! We did not call her and ask the right question upfront but now we know!
Stealing is not only dishonest, but an illegal act
Cathleen! You should not have to host an au pair who is caught stealing! If you really can prove she is stealing, you must call your agency and let them know and they should remove her at once. You do not have to house any au pair who is stealing. You can tell your agency, if they refuse to remove her, that you will call the police and sign a complaint. Then the agency will remove her. I know it may sound harsh, but the au pair knows better and you cannot trust her at this point. She must leave and you should supervise her packing with the counselor, to ensure she is not packing up your silver!
I had to remove an au pair who was caught stealing and we supervised her packing and the host parents found CDs, the older daughter's clothes (expensive clothes), pockebooks, and the mother's pearls! She also had books fsrom the local library, and clothes with tags on them (we think she was stealing from local stores as well). She was removed and she left the next day to return home. She could have faced legal charges, but the host family just wanted her out. They did trust her and did not expect to find all this stuff in her possession. It was a shock to me as well as the family!
Please call your agency at once and have her removed if you really know she did take things that were not her's.