Are We Raising Entitled Children?
Hi Edina,
Just read the article (Contributing Writers section) on Entitled Children and I would like to comment here about this issue. I do think (my parents are from China but I was born and raised here in the states) American families spend way too much time on their children and not in good ways. I was raised by Chinese parents who loved me and gave me a good, solid childhood, and made sure I got an excellent education. However, they instilled in me a sense of respect for others, particularly older people, that I think Americans, in general, lack.
I found that I am raising my adopted girl from China in similar ways that my parents took care of me - I teach her respect and particularly when it comes to our au pairs. I see other au pairs (we have a play group) who are treated rather rudely by their children and their parents do nothing about it! I can see the hurt and anger in the au pair's eyes when a child calls them a name, or hits them or is just plain rude!!
Why can't parents understand they are forming their children's character?? If these au pairs leave or are disgruntled (I read so many complaints by parents about their lazy, uninspired au pairs) I can only point to the parents who allow their children to treat these girls in a way that they would never allow another to treat them or their children.
You sow what you reap, and if you don't teach your child now to be kind, patient, respectful, they will never learn, or they will learn the hard way!! I thought the article was great and I encourage parents to read it and think - is this me? Do I do things with my children that teach them they are entitled to things they have not earned?
Great article and great website - just love it!
An Au Pair's View
Hi Jake, thank you for starting the conversation regarding au pairs and entitled children. We received an email a few weeks ago from an au pair, but she is still working here and does not want her name posted, so I am going to post her story and comments here without a name:
Hallo there,
I know I am on the wrong side , but I am currently an aupair in a rematch situation. I want you to tell the host families that the aupairs are not always in the wrong. I am a 23 year old graduate white female from South Africa. I came to USA with a lot of expectation and a "dream come true" I went to my family who still had her current aupair and as you explained the kids ( 3 and 4) cling to her and told me to go away. This was not a problem as I understand children. I arrived on Thursday evening and on Monday the host mom went on a business trip. The dad was there and the old aupair. I was started to settle in and start winning the boys. On Friday night HM returns and Saturday morning she told me it is not going to work out. No reason, no mediation nothing. I called the Area Director and she said they will put me in rematch, AND if I do not find somebody (or better somebody do not pick me) in 14 days I will have to pay my airticket and go back to SA.
Well somebody phoned me on day 11 ( I was a nervous wreck) and I said yes. Big was my mistake. I suffered for two months doing garbage, cleaning garage, replacing bulbs, walk the dog, ironing 6 weeks heaped up clothes etc. etc. without complaining, try to impress, but got shouted at, told the food is gross (I prepared all the meals) throw clothes back in my face as it was not ironed good enough etch etc. I hardly spend time with the kids and they did not respect me. I contacted my AD , try 2 weeks for mediation, HM decides she will not do mediation and I decide to rematch. HM ask to stay another 2 weeks , but make life so difficult and I not sleeping, crying in my room etc. I still do not have a rematch ( what did she tell the families about me, what is on my profile (as I cannot see it) I cannot see host families etc.
My sister on the other hand start with me and she is happy as can be.
I want to try and match close to her, but boy they want you to take the first the best. I am a responsible woman that stayed on my own for 4 years while studying and feel so helpless in this. The AD is very compassionate but that is all she can do.
I know you cannot help me, but please host families, give us aupairs that is rematching a change. We really saved and dreamed about this.
I am with aupair care and I get the felling they do not give a ...... if I do not rematch. I must pay my own airfare back and a penalty of 600 USD, but they do not give me options to choose from. I am a Christian lady, no drinking, smoking, swearing, shouting or boy friends. I want to go to the Chicago area.
Thanks for listening. I need a ear to hear
Sad situation, right? Of course, we don't have the host parents' side to this story, but I can believe this au pair when she describes the host mom's behavior towards her and the children's lack of respect. I have seen it when working in the au pair industry, and these girls do save for a long time to get the money to pay the upfront costs it takes to sign up. This is one of those pieces of information the agencies do not tell the host families: the girls pay money to join and it is expensive! So agencies are making money from both ends - the au pairs pay and the host families pay!
We don't know what happened to this au pair, we tried to contact her but she has not responded. She may have been sent home or decided to return home. She will also not be telling her friends and family what a great country America is and she will be telling anyone who listens what terrible children we raise here in the states! It is too bad that a few bad apples ruin our country's reputation and standing in the world.
Terrible Story, I agree!
Very sad email/story. She was probably so eager to please and happy to be here - as all my au pairs have been - shame on these families for being so cold-hearted and selfish. Please families, take better care of these young girls - they could be your daughter one day - alone in a foriegn country, and needing help from strangers. When I was very young, I traveled to Europe and was in England when my pocketbook was stolen and we had no money. We were in a bank line, trying to get money from home, and the lady behind us invited us back to her flat, let us sleep there, fed us and would take no money in return. She said "my son is traveling abroad and I would hope if he needed help, a mother would do the same for him. " I have never forgotten her kindness and I try to take care of my au pairs as I would hope another woman would take care of my daughter.