Is My Au Pair Depressed?
We received this email this morning and with permission of the host mom, we are printing her concern here. We wanted to educate parents regarding depression and what to do if your au pair has signs of this serious mental disorder:
"Edina, my new au pair arrived overwhelmed with almost everything. She did not do well at her orientation meeting all week held by our agency, and then when she finally got to our home, she was so tired and exhausted we let her sleep most of the weekend. Yet, on Monday, she didn't want to come out of her room. I coaxed her out to the kitchen to eat something and she began to cry. She was not only homesick, but terribly depressed. As an RN, I saw the signs clearly. What I wanted to know it is very unusual for anyone to become clinically depressed in a week's time. I feel that she was already suffering from depression during her application to the program and during the screening process. We called our agency and they told us to "wait" at least 30 days to see if she adjusts. My au pair is unable to care for our 2 young children and I am on an extended "vacation" until we resolve this. What kind of psychological testing do au pair agencies use? Had anyone else had this problem and what did they do about it?"
Host Mom DC
Au Pairs & Depression
Hi Host Mom DC,
I am sorry to hear about your problem and I feel for your au pair. It must be very difficult for her to deal with sad or depressed feelings and be so far from home in a strange country and living with strangers.
It sounds like she may be depressed, but only a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist can diagnosis a clinical depression. I would suggest that you arrange for her to be evaluated and have the agency assist you in this - they can transport her and her counselor can accompany her to the evaluation to lend support.
I would suspect that your agency would probably recommend the au pair return home if in fact she is given a diagnosis of depression. She will need to receive ongoing care and treatment until the depression lifts or is fully resolved. During this process, she should not be in charge of children.
Regarding the psychological testing agencies administer to their au pairs: there is very little written on this topic, and I believe the Clearinghouse has done more than any other resource to educate parents on this timely and important issue. What is important when screening childcare workers, such as au pairs, the test an agency uses should be designed by professionals, scored by trained staff and assesses what it is supposed to with the population it is administered to.
Psychometric testing is a government regulation and all au pair agencies in the USA must administer these tests to every au pair. The Dept. of State does not require any specific test, nor do they recommend a standard one either. So, we see a range of tests used, from the California Personality Inventory to the Booream Flowers test, which was devised just for au pairs.
The research department at the Clearinghouse is working on an article on tests used by the agencies and will be reviewing data collected by the USA government on this topic. Look for it soon.
Dr. Siman
Depression and au pairs
Yes, I had this happen to our family. It was actually quite terrible. Our au pair arrived and seemed very homesick but it turned out she was 'clinically' depressed according to the doctor we finally took her too. The agency was helpful and paid for the doctor but they did send her home. They explained that an au pair cannot work if she is suffering from a mental health problem. It is like a health problem, they cannot do their work well and after all they do work with children. So, we had to let her go and start all over again!
I do think the agency dropped the ball in terms of screening her and flagging this problem before she got on the plane. It was very disruptive to our entire family and we were very annoyed about it and the agency. We left them after this and used daycare for a year and then went back to au pairs due to cost (au pairs are much less expensive) but we picked a different agency and are very happy now.
Also, host parents need to do their due diligence during the interview. I don't think I paid much attention to the signs when I interviewed this girl, and she was very quiet during the phone call and now, looking back, it was probably the depression. I also only called her once! I suggest all new parents call their au pairs at least 3 times! And email them! Don't be causal!
Au pair and depression - not a good combo
Host Mom DC - this is not a good situation, as you must know since you are a nurse. This girl needs medical help, but that is not your job, this is reserved for the LCC assigned to you and the agency. They may want to skirt their responsbilities (by saying "wait 30 days") but they need to get her help and get you another au pair!
I wouldn't put up with this for a minute! Call, cajole, insist, but do something. Good luck.
PS no, never had this problem, knock wood!